TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week for July 6-13

What do Katy Perry, Adrian Peterson, and Whitesnake have in common? Find out in our latest edition of TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week!

Best Tweets of the Week for July 6-13, 2012

Today is National Kissing Day, or as they call it in West Virginia; Siblings Day.

July 6, 2012 6:24 am via EchofonReplyRetweetFavorite

@NotBillWalton

Not Bill Walton

According to this drain, all of Whitesnake has secretly been using my shower.

July 7, 2012 7:09 am via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@9to5Life

Lifey

I didn’t know snakes had hair. Is this love that I’m feeling?

Sad that we'll never know what kind of Call Me Maybe parody John Lennon would have written.

July 10, 2012 12:51 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@ChaseMit

Chase Mitchell

Big families are like waterbed stores. They used to be everywhere now they are just weird.

July 9, 2012 7:53 pm via WhoSayReplyRetweetFavorite

@JimGaffigan

Jim Gaffigan

Chumbawamba broke up today, so make sure to pour out a whiskey drink tonight. Or a vodka drink. Or a cider drink.

July 9, 2012 4:11 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@TylerHuckabee

Tyler Huckabee

If you haven’t read this tribute to Chumbawamba yet, you need to.

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl. She has only been alive an hour & Kris Jenner already sold her first boo boo pictures to TMZ.

July 8, 2012 9:51 pm via HootSuiteReplyRetweetFavorite

@RealSkipSayless

Skip Sayless

Looking forward to reporting to training camp on July 26th. Hard work and Dedication.

July 6, 2012 3:53 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@AdrianPeterson

Adrian Peterson

people who set off fireworks on July 5th have a favorite wrestler.

July 5, 2012 10:14 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@morgan_murphy

Morgan Murphy

In case anyone's looking for a husband, I heard Tom Cruise is hiring.

July 9, 2012 7:27 pm via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@birbigs

Mike Birbiglia

Check out the best TomKat divorce tweets. Don’t worry, the Scientologists aren’t watching you.

So cool how I never have to say I want 47 broccoli and two pieces of beef when I order Chinese food. They just know.

July 7, 2012 4:37 pm via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@Travon

Travon Free

It's so racist how they always call Venus and Serena "sisters."

July 7, 2012 12:21 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@andrewhibbard

Andrew Hibbard

Even when Tom Cruise plays a guy paralyzed from the chest down, he has two sprinting scenes.

July 7, 2012 11:36 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@thesulk

Alec Sulkin

I complete you

July 7, 2012 8:32 am via Mobile WebReplyRetweetFavorite

@JoseCanseco

Jose Canseco

Why does the guy on Man vs. Food wear such a giant watch? "Oh shoot, it's half past I'm disgusting."

July 7, 2012 7:56 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@maxsilvestri

Max Silvestri

Hey ladies, we're here to steal your boyfriends. Sincerely, Modern Warfare 3.

July 9, 2012 12:30 am via BufferReplyRetweetFavorite

@autocorrects

Funny Tweets

Asked for a ticket for Magic Mike because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was really going to see the Katy Perry movie.

July 5, 2012 3:21 pm via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@TheNardvark

Bryan Donaldson

I told myself I would only see Magic Mike if it was in 4-D. I want to be able to smell Channing.

So, I just cry on camera and my village gets a new school?

July 6, 2012 9:01 pm via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@skepticaIkid

Third World Kid

"Shakespeare sucks" - 16th century hipster

July 6, 2012 8:25 am via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@michaelianblack

Michael Ian Black

Does it disturb anyone else that "The Los Angeles Angels" baseball team translates directly to "The The Angels Angels"?

July 10, 2012 5:10 pm via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@neiltyson

Neil deGrasse Tyson

I am going to 'The Annual Sarcasm Convention' tomorrow.......What an inventive name.

July 6, 2012 3:17 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@TheRealAlSnow

Al Snow

I'm not busy if you want to go get some lunch or married.

July 6, 2012 4:40 pm via BufferReplyRetweetFavorite

@TheClingyGF

Crazy Girlfriend

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

July 5, 2012 9:24 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@DamienFahey

Damien Fahey

Are gold plated tanks deductible if you use them to drive to work? Make em say uggghhh!

Did Rihanna ever figure out what her name was? #UnansweredHipHopQuestions

July 6, 2012 9:37 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@TheTimmyTebow

Tim Tebow

just got told I look like I "just got off the beach" which is probably a nicer way to say rehab

July 6, 2012 7:33 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@coreyafclark

c0reY aNN cLaRk

If Mitt Romney had Morgan Freeman's voice he'd be unbeatable.

July 6, 2012 6:41 am via HootSuiteReplyRetweetFavorite

@AlbertBrooks

Albert Brooks

Eating a beefburger, drinking a milkshake and wearing a leather jacket. A cow just saw me and fell to the floor in tears

July 6, 2012 12:45 pm via HootSuiteReplyRetweetFavorite

@WeirdHorse

Weird Horse

I would send my kid there if he wanted to go he wasn't rappin football players that's a great program that joe pa ran

July 12, 2012 9:46 am via Twittelator NeueReplyRetweetFavorite

@roddywhiteTV

Roddy White

Joe Pa teaching anyone to rap would also be a tragedy.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

July 9, 2012 3:51 am via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@BorowitzReport

Andy Borowitz

Kourtney Kardashian Gives Birth To Four-Hour E! Special

July 9, 2012 9:54 am via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@ChaseMit

Chase Mitchell

When people say, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" I wish they would stop doing both.

July 6, 2012 2:56 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@amyschumer

Amy Schumer

This whole Tosh situation reminds me of the night the family of watermelons saw a Gallagher show.

July 11, 2012 10:44 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@paulscheer

Paul Scheer

In black culture "boo" means boyfriend or girlfriend, so congrats to Mitt Romney!

July 12, 2012 5:04 am via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@jasonmustian

Jason Mustian

When I become president I'm locking the inventor of the McGriddle in a room until he comes up with ten more delicious ideas.

July 12, 2012 5:49 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@BMcCarthy32

Brandon McCarthy

Ray Allen to the Miami Heat? It's official, using Miami in 2K13 will be like using a cheat code.

July 6, 2012 10:07 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@itsWillyFerrell

Not Will Ferrell

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

July 9, 2012 8:32 pm via EchofonReplyRetweetFavorite

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Jenny Johnson

golden rule is hard, is there a silver rule

July 9, 2012 10:01 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@bjnovak

B.J. Novak

Chumbawamba have broken up. This is a sad day for, um, well... the members of Chumbawamba.

July 10, 2012 6:44 am via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@DeepFriedMan

Deep Fried Man

See if those kids that were rioting after Joe Pa was fired want a mulligan? #PSU

July 12, 2012 6:09 am via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@SeanBrace975

Sean Brace

So you have to eat all your BROCCOLI, because of me ?!!

July 7, 2012 12:41 am via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@skepticaIkid

Third World Kid

I can hardly imagine how hot 90s Fran Drescher was to deaf dudes

July 7, 2012 7:50 pm via EchofonReplyRetweetFavorite

@EliBraden

Eli Braden

Every season of Breaking Bad should end with the sound of a microphone being dropped.

July 9, 2012 7:02 pm via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@ixSEANxi

Sean Gabay

Maybe Kurt Cobain killed himself because he knew he was going to eventually write a Christmas album.

July 10, 2012 10:17 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@kylekinane

Kyle Kinane

Just so we’re clear, mango is dead to me.

July 12, 2012 6:13 am via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@prodigalsam

sammy