What do Katy Perry, Adrian Peterson, and Whitesnake have in common? Find out in our latest edition of TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week!
Best Tweets of the Week for July 6-13, 2012
Today is National Kissing Day, or as they call it in West Virginia; Siblings Day.
@NotBillWalton
Not Bill Walton
I didn’t know snakes had hair. Is this love that I’m feeling?
Sad that we'll never know what kind of Call Me Maybe parody John Lennon would have written.
@ChaseMit
Chase Mitchell
Big families are like waterbed stores. They used to be everywhere now they are just weird.
@JimGaffigan
Jim Gaffigan
Chumbawamba broke up today, so make sure to pour out a whiskey drink tonight. Or a vodka drink. Or a cider drink.
@TylerHuckabee
Tyler Huckabee
If you haven’t read this tribute to Chumbawamba yet, you need to.
Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl. She has only been alive an hour & Kris Jenner already sold her first boo boo pictures to TMZ.
@RealSkipSayless
Skip Sayless
Looking forward to reporting to training camp on July 26th. Hard work and Dedication.
@AdrianPeterson
Adrian Peterson
Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson’s last tweet before this happened:
Check out the best TomKat divorce tweets. Don’t worry, the Scientologists aren’t watching you.
Even when Tom Cruise plays a guy paralyzed from the chest down, he has two sprinting scenes.
@thesulk
Alec Sulkin
Why does the guy on Man vs. Food wear such a giant watch? "Oh shoot, it's half past I'm disgusting."
@maxsilvestri
Max Silvestri
Hey ladies, we're here to steal your boyfriends. Sincerely, Modern Warfare 3.
@autocorrects
Funny Tweets
Asked for a ticket for Magic Mike because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was really going to see the Katy Perry movie.
@TheNardvark
Bryan Donaldson
I told myself I would only see Magic Mike if it was in 4-D. I want to be able to smell Channing.
Does it disturb anyone else that "The Los Angeles Angels" baseball team translates directly to "The The Angels Angels"?
@neiltyson
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I am going to 'The Annual Sarcasm Convention' tomorrow.......What an inventive name.
@TheRealAlSnow
Al Snow
Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.
@DamienFahey
Damien Fahey
Are gold plated tanks deductible if you use them to drive to work? Make em say uggghhh!
just got told I look like I "just got off the beach" which is probably a nicer way to say rehab
@coreyafclark
c0reY aNN cLaRk
Eating a beefburger, drinking a milkshake and wearing a leather jacket. A cow just saw me and fell to the floor in tears
@WeirdHorse
Weird Horse
I would send my kid there if he wanted to go he wasn't rappin football players that's a great program that joe pa ran
@roddywhiteTV
Roddy White
Joe Pa teaching anyone to rap would also be a tragedy.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
@BorowitzReport
Andy Borowitz
When people say, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" I wish they would stop doing both.
@amyschumer
Amy Schumer
This whole Tosh situation reminds me of the night the family of watermelons saw a Gallagher show.
@paulscheer
Paul Scheer
In black culture "boo" means boyfriend or girlfriend, so congrats to Mitt Romney!
@jasonmustian
Jason Mustian
Ghost Town DJ’s figured this out a long time ago, people.
Ghost Town DJ's - My Boo
When I become president I'm locking the inventor of the McGriddle in a room until he comes up with ten more delicious ideas.
@BMcCarthy32
Brandon McCarthy
Ray Allen to the Miami Heat? It's official, using Miami in 2K13 will be like using a cheat code.
@itsWillyFerrell
Not Will Ferrell
Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.
@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny Johnson
Chumbawamba have broken up. This is a sad day for, um, well... the members of Chumbawamba.
@DeepFriedMan
Deep Fried Man
See if those kids that were rioting after Joe Pa was fired want a mulligan? #PSU
@SeanBrace975
Sean Brace
Every season of Breaking Bad should end with the sound of a microphone being dropped.
@ixSEANxi
Sean Gabay
Maybe Kurt Cobain killed himself because he knew he was going to eventually write a Christmas album.
@kylekinane
Kyle Kinane
