All your Yacht Rock friends have arrived, and you’re just waiting for the harbor master to give you the “A-Ok” to set sail.
The champagne is already open and flowing like ocean water. And that bearded guy with the captain’s hat on – where did he run off to? Uh, don’t you mean WHICH bearded guy with the captain’s hat on? Everyone’s here, so let’s continue to countdown the Top 100 Yacht Rock songs of all-time.
Did you miss out on the other editions of the TOP 100 YACHT ROCK SONGS? Read them all here!
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #91-100
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #81-90
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #71-80
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #61-70
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #51-60
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #41-50
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #31-40
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #21-30
Let’s continue our countdown of the Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs of all-time with #81-90:
90. “Feels So Good” – Chuck Mangione
Chuck Mangione gives new meaning to the word “horny” in this famous shot of him awkwardly – but enthusiastically – hugging the living crap out of his flugelhorn. I’m not kidding when I say that NO ONE can love their horn this much. And yes, I’m looking at you Kenny G.
But seriously, Chuck, get a room.
Listen to “Feels So Good” by Chuck Mangione:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…when you finally reach the middle of the ocean after you’ve decided to leave your entire life behind and sail around the world.
BEST USE IN POP CULTURE
On the animated series King of the Hill, Chuck Mangione actually played himself as spokesperson for the famous Mega-Lo-Mart, a Wal-Mart/Home Depot hybrid store. As part of a running gag, he would start to play “Feels so Good” no matter what song he was supposed to be playing.
BEST LYRIC
“[horn noise] [horn noise] [horn noise] [horn noise]”
There are no words to describe horn love.
89. “Just Remember I Love You” – Firefall
The lyrics to “Just Remember I Love You” try to offer encouragement to someone who sounds chronically depressed and hopeless, perhaps suicidal. So, if you are ever friends with anyone from Firefall, just know that they will be by your side during your darkest hour. Well, at least that’s what they want you to believe.
Actually they would probably just tell you to turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, because that’s what solves everything when you’re in a rock band. LONG LIVE ROCK N’ ROLL!
Listen to “Just Remember I Love You” by Firefall:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…just before you slit both your wrists and heave your body into shark-infested waters.
BEST USE IN POP CULTURE
Apparently, “Just Remember I Love You” wasn’t the best song to put in the background of a commercial, but Firefall’s performance on Solid Gold was outstanding:
BEST LYRIC
“When it seems like sorrow is your only friend.
Knowing that tomorrow you’ll feel this way again.”
Needless to say it’s not the most uplifting song out there.
88. “Ventura Highway” – America
If ‘MURICA had an anthem it would be “Ventura Highway.” (Ok, I know the United States already has an anthem, but you know what I mean). It has that nostalgic “Go West, young man” feel to it that almost says “hey, let’s just hop in our car, start driving, and see what new lands we can conquer.” Only in our case, all the land in America has pretty much been conquered. Maybe that’s why all those Indians Native Americans in the background of this photo look so pissed. Still a sore subject, I guess.
Listen to “Ventura Highway” by America:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…when you’re sailing down the coast…on the 4th of July…taking pictures of bald eagles…shooting your assault rifle in the air…and eating bacon-wrapped sticks of butter. ‘MURICA!
BEST USE IN POP CULTURE
The guitar riff at the beginning of “Ventura Highway” is used in the popular Saturday Night Live skit “The Californians” during the opening theme song. Wwwwwhaad are youuuuu dooooing here?!
Also, if you’ve never been to Ventura, you can get there by first heading South on the I-5, then take the 118 West toward the Pacific, then head south on the 101, and take exit 12, and make a left at the Baja Fresh, and then…
BEST LYRIC
“Wishin’ on a falling star.
Waitin’ for the early train
Sorry boy, but I’ve been hit by
Purple rain.”
So that’s where Prince stole it from! Game…blouses.
87. “Two Tickets to Paradise” – Eddie Money
Eddie Money wrote this song about his girlfriend at the time because her mother wanted her to marry a doctor or a lawyer, not a musician. Thus, “Two Tickets to Paradise” is a plea to his girlfriend to “run away” with him, which probably never happened because I’m sure they broke up like two weeks later.
Plus, doctors and lawyers can both afford yachts. Either one would’ve taken her daughter away once they found out how much her mom sucked. So…bad strategy sucky mom.
Listen to “Two Tickets To Paradise” by Eddie Money:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…when you’ve “kidnapped” your girlfriend from her overprotective mother OR you’re being chased by drug lords and you barely escape the harbor.
BEST USE IN POP CULTURE
Eddie Money himself actually sang the chorus to “Two Tickets to Paradise” in a 2012 Geico commercial where he played a travel agent.
BEST LYRIC
“I’ve got two tickets to paradise!
Won’t you pack your bags, we’ll leave tonight.”
“Ummm, why do we have to leave tonight?” says the girlfriend of a guy who owes A LOT of money to someone who’s probably going to kill him.
86. “Lonely Boy” – Andrew Gold
Ok, get over the fact that Andrew Gold looks like a much skinnier Zach Galifianakis – he is a troubled man. You see, he used to be an only child way back in 1951 until his awful, selfish parents decided to have another baby a couple of years later. This time…it was a girl. And so having a sister ruined his life so much that he wrote a song about his childhood pain. Siblings = trauma. Never forget that.
But hey, at least he can make ping-pong balls levitate. Can his sister do that?
Listen to “Lonely Boy” by Andrew Gold:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…that moment your parents buy your sister a bigger boat than yours because she had outgrown her pony and her convertible.
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
“Lonely Boy” plays in the background of this scene from Boogie Nights, when the seasoned porn actress Amber Waves eyes Dirk Diggler after inhaling a line of cocaine.
And Andrew Gold thought he had family issues.
BEST LYRIC
“Well, he ran down the hall and he cried.
Oh, how could his parents have lied.
When they said he was an only son.
He thought he was the only one.”
Uhhh, actually you ARE the only son, bro. They had a girl. Stop crying.
85. “Kiss You All Over” – Exile
Unlike many of the other Yacht Rock songs on our countdown, the lyrics to Exile’s only #1 hit “Kiss You All Over” leave nothing to the imagination. It’s straight up a song about two people who can’t wait to mack the living crap out of each other.
What does leave something to the imagination is the gender of lead singer Jimmy Stokley (third from left). Truth be told, my 8-year old daughter walked over as I was watching the video for this song and said that she [Stokley] was “the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.”
Listen to “Kiss You All Over” by Exile:
However, what should leave nothing to the imagination is confusing the 1970s band Exile to the 14-member Japanese boy band Exile. No, these bros DO NOT look they own a yacht. They look like they’re about to take over your dad’s company and will probably cut off a few fingers in the process.
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…well, do we even need to say it?
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
In the 2006 movie Employee of the Month, Jorge and Vince listen to “Kiss You All Over” while discussing the fine “quality” of Vince’s 1981 Honda.
Runner up goes to Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore when he uses the song in a last-ditch attempt to win back his girlfriend over the intercom.
BEST LYRIC
“Gonna wrap my arms around you.
Hold you close to me.
Oh, babe, I wanna taste your lips.
I wanna be your fantasy, yeah.”
To all the people whose parents still consider this their favorite song – I’m truly sorry.
84. “Fire and Rain” – James Taylor
Judging by his experiences in mental institutions, it’s no surprise that James Taylor has related different versions of what this song is about. After all, his version of fire (shock therapy) and rain (the cold showers after shock therapy) are a lot different than most people’s.
Actually, the song is a chronicle of some important events in his life. The first part of “Fire and Rain” was about Taylor’s friend Suzanne, who had committed suicide. The second part details Taylor’s struggle to overcome drug addiction and depression. The third deals with him coming to grips with fame and fortune.
Taylor said that he composed “Fire and Rain” in 1968 during a stay on the Spanish island of Formentera, which he jokingly defined as a place “full of goats and drug smugglers.”
Because, of course James would know.
Listen to “Fire And Rain” by James Taylor:
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…right after you’ve just witnessed your best friend’s boat burst into flames and then sink to the bottom of the ocean.
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
Taylor guest-starred in The Simpsons episode “Deep Space Homer” where he performs for a space shuttle that Homer is aboard from NASA’s mission control. However, he switches the line “Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground” to “Sweet dreams and flying machines flying safely through the air” to prevent Homer and crew from utter panic.
“Ahhh, former President James Taylor.” = Classic Homer
BEST LYRIC
“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain.
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.”
Let’s just say James has been through some stuff.
83. “Please Come to Boston” – Dave Loggins
Poor Dave Loggins. Not only does he have to live in the shadow of his second cousin, Kenny Loggins, but he also has a super-possessive and unadventurous girlfriend. He wants to see the world and experience life, but she never wants to leave her little podunk town in Tennessee. What makes it worse is that she wants him to come home to be with her.
To Dave’s credit, his offers to his girlfriend get better each time. At first, it’s some loft he shares with a bunch of friends in Boston. Ok, that’s somewhat tempting, but living with a bunch of strangers?
Then he moves to Denver and owns his own private cabin in the mountains. She still says “No!” so maybe she’s not much of a skier.
Dave’s final offer – a beach house right on the ocean in Los Angeles – isn’t even enough to get her to move.
I hope Dave’s next song is about how he broke up with her.
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…when you’re about to leave on a romantic four-week cruise to the Caribbean and you get a call from your girlfriend saying that she’s staying home to teach summer school.
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
“Please Come to Boston” wasn’t featured in anything notable, but Dave Loggins’ performance of the song on Midnight Special was especially sad for a couple of reasons. First, at the 3-minute mark, you can see him get noticeably pissed at the sound man. Secondly, he totally looks like everyone’s high school woodshop teacher, and don’t you just want your woodshop teacher to find true love?
BEST LYRIC
“You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a cafe where I hope to be workin’ soon.”
Hmmm, let’s see. I can go stay with my boyfriend in Boston who may or may not have a job at some dumpy cafe and support him by selling paintings on the street, OR I can keep my great job here in Tennessee and be here with my friends and family. Oh, Dave Loggins, why must you make this such a hard decision!?
82. “Downtown Train” – Rod Stewart
Let’s be honest: if you saw a guy that looked like Rod Stewart walking around a train station your first instinct would be to give him a dollar. This is ABSOLUTELY why he wasn’t featured as the love interest in the video:
Nowadays a song like this would be a wasted effort. That girl could have totally just posted something like this in the Craigslist “missed connections” section:
“I saw you on the train heading downtown on Monday. I think we made eye contact, but you were the douche who was still wearing his sunglasses so I couldn’t tell. I have blonde hair and was kind of dressed like a slutty librarian. Do you remember that homeless guy with the crazy hair who was singing? Anyway, call me…here’s my number 555-7592.”
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…right after you pass another yacht heading the opposite direction, and you spot the hottest girl you’ve ever seen in your life on board.
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
Apparently, Rod Stewart pissed off a couple of people with the release of his version of this song. Allegedly, Bob Seger had recorded his version and played it for Rod, but Stewart ended up releasing his version before Bob. So, yeah…that got a little awkward, kind of like when your best friend buys those pair of shoes you’ve been talking about for months.
Tom Waits – the writer and original singer of “Downtown Train” – and many of his fans pretty much HATE this cover of the song, which is primarily due to jealousy over the success of Rod Stewart’s version. This is surprising because Tom Waits sounds like he’s smoked like 80 packs of cigarettes a day for the past 30 years.
BEST LYRIC
“Will I see you tonight on a downtown train?
Every night, every night its just the same
On a downtown train.”
Have you ever been on a train or the subway, Rod? Every ride is different. One time you could kick back and read your favorite book, and then the next ride you’re being held up at gunpoint.
81. “Escape (the Pina Colada Song)” – Rupert Holmes
Rupert Holmes has written several Broadway plays, songs performed by famous artists, created a TV series, and wrote a novel. His works have won Tonys, Emmys, and Edgars. Despite all this, he is best known for a cheesy song about drinking Pina Coladas and hating yoga.
“I have a feeling that if I saved an entire orphanage from a fire and carried the last child out on my shoulders, as I stood there charred and smoking, they’d say, ‘Aren’t you the guy who wrote The Pina Colada Song?”
BEST TIME TO LISTEN TO THIS ON YOUR YACHT IS…
…during your first date with the girl of your dreams.
BEST USES IN POP CULTURE
If Chris Farley had never punched in G-8 on the jukebox then we wouldn’t have this awesome bar fight scene in Dirty Work:
BEST LYRIC
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas,
and getting caught in the rain.
I´m not much into health food.
I am into champagne.”
I’m VERY glad the guy with the creepy facial hair and windshield wiper sunglasses is into alcohol. A good combo. Ironically, Rupert Holmes HATES Pina Coladas in real life. He said that they “tasted like Kaopectate.”
Check out past editions of the TOP 100 YACHT ROCK SONGS OF ALL-TIME:
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #91-100
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #81-90
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #71-80
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #61-70
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #51-60
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #41-50
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #31-40
Top 100 Yacht Rock Songs – #21-30
If you like Pina Coladas, then check out Hello, Loser on Facebook
My favorite use of “two tickets to paradise” was actually as the theme song to the horrible dating reality show “Paradise Island”…super classy.
and my favorite use of “kiss you all over” was Adam sandler singing to (and making out with) his intercom in Happy Gilmore.
man I love Yacht rock.
ok I need to find some Paradise Island footage then!
oh and already had a Happy Gilmore reference, but yes…mine too.
Blows my mind… never wanted a yacht more in my life.
Think about the music that you loved as a teenager – the pop songs that still make you grin, even though you’ve been forced to concede that despite what you told your mother when you were fourteen, Duran Duran is not the best band ever. Now think about how much of your adult brain is taken up with lyrics to those pop songs from your high school years. If you’re musically gifted, you can probably consign even more brain space away to long-remembered riffs and chord progressions. It seems that there is some science to why the music that we listened to as teenagers has remained such a part of our lives. Rock musician and neuroscientist Daniel J. Levitan has explained it all in his book This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession , and to be honest, I’m delighted that it’s not just me who thinks that the art of pop music peaked with the 3.5 minute song that was ruling my brain when I should’ve been concentrating on Mr McWhirter’s trigonometry class. My high school years were 1978-1983, and I’m not too proud to admit that much of the music that I listen to in 2013 was recorded during those high school years. Apropos of nothing important, I mentioned the term Yacht Rock last night on Twitter. I was surprised when ABC Queensland Evenings presenter Rebecca Levingston responded that she didn’t know what Yacht Rock is. How could this be?
Fantastic concept, awesome list, but there’s been a massive oversight on the best use of “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” in popular culture. The bar fight scene in “Dirty Work” takes it running away: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N_Erfo160g
I should know. I rocked that song as the first dance at my wedding.
Oh man, forgot about some of Norm’s best work. I’ll need to edit that.